One of the most common problems in long-term relationships, sex can be hard to talk about.
Even for couples who have been together for a long time, talking about sex can be a challenge. It can bring up our insecurities and for many people may involve a sense of shame. Ironically because sex is talked about so little it is easy for people to assume that they are the only ones having a certain problem.
As a couple’s therapist I have had the unique opportunity to listen to many, many people discuss their sex lives and I have learned that whatever problem you are having, it is much more common than you think. The things that drive our sexual response early in the relationship are highly biological, such as hormone levels and mating instincts. As the years pass these “hard-wired” biological drives become less influential. We need to learn to respond sexually from a different place. This certainly does not mean that sex becomes less exciting, but that the lust and passion are driven by different forces. Through couples therapy we can learn where you are stuck sexually and how to make changes that can revive your sexual passion for each other.
There are also situations in which any type of sexual response is not possible, either due to physical illness or emotional problems. Partners who are in the depths of a severe depression or who are battling cancer for example may not be able to respond sexually. That also needs to be discussed openly, including the natural frustration and disappointment of the “well” partner. Couples therapy can create a safe and productive space in which to tease apart these complex issues and move towards a more mutually satisfying sex life for both partners.
Humans are designed as sexual creatures. With adequate education and support, people tend to be sexual well into their senior years. Giving up on sex or “settling” for the status quo when it is not satisfying is not necessary and, in fact, can rob the couple of what can be a vital and energizing part of their relationship.
Even for couples who have been together for a long time, talking about sex can be a challenge. It can bring up our insecurities and for many people may involve a sense of shame. Ironically because sex is talked about so little it is easy for people to assume that they are the only ones having a certain problem.
As a couple’s therapist I have had the unique opportunity to listen to many, many people discuss their sex lives and I have learned that whatever problem you are having, it is much more common than you think. The things that drive our sexual response early in the relationship are highly biological, such as hormone levels and mating instincts. As the years pass these “hard-wired” biological drives become less influential. We need to learn to respond sexually from a different place. This certainly does not mean that sex becomes less exciting, but that the lust and passion are driven by different forces. Through couples therapy we can learn where you are stuck sexually and how to make changes that can revive your sexual passion for each other.
There are also situations in which any type of sexual response is not possible, either due to physical illness or emotional problems. Partners who are in the depths of a severe depression or who are battling cancer for example may not be able to respond sexually. That also needs to be discussed openly, including the natural frustration and disappointment of the “well” partner. Couples therapy can create a safe and productive space in which to tease apart these complex issues and move towards a more mutually satisfying sex life for both partners.
Humans are designed as sexual creatures. With adequate education and support, people tend to be sexual well into their senior years. Giving up on sex or “settling” for the status quo when it is not satisfying is not necessary and, in fact, can rob the couple of what can be a vital and energizing part of their relationship.
Krista Jordan, Ph.D, ABPP
4534 Westgate Blvd, Suite 230
Austin, Texas 78745
512.293.3807
kristadjordan@gmail.com
4534 Westgate Blvd, Suite 230
Austin, Texas 78745
512.293.3807
kristadjordan@gmail.com
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