Research tells us that approximately 40% of married people have cheated at some point in their marriage.
And it is one of the biggest reasons that romantic relationships fail. Infidelity may be a one-time indiscretion or a multi-year affair. It may still be going on, or it may have been over years ago. It may be only one partner, or you may have both ‘slipped’ at some point in the marriage.
Couples often ask me “how can we learn to trust each other again?” I tell them “as long as you are both willing to do whatever it takes to earn the other person’s trust back, you can do it”. The relationship is alive as long as you both want it to be. If neither of you quits, then there is hope.
Infidelity is said to be “a process with an event at the end”, not an event in its own right. The seeds of infidelity take root in a relationship that is struggling. We begin by understanding what was unhappy, unhealthy or unfulfilling about the relationship before the cheating started. Then we work to build in those skills that were missing all along so that we can be confident that others will never again intrude on the bond between the two of you. A secure relationship is immune to affairs and security can be taught and built.
Of course we also focus on repair. Whomever has been wronged deserves to have repairs made. Typically there have been hurts on both sides! Even the partner who did not cheat has some responsibility to understand how things got to where they are. I do not place blame or figure out which person is in the “wrong” so much as try to understand where each of you, consciously or unconsciously, let the relationship down.
I truly believe that it is impossible to love someone without hurting them. More than once. More than a little. I have seen many, many patients in their relationships over the years and know that even when we love someone, and even when we try our hardest, we make mistakes. But I have also seen love, commitment and hard work overcome any hurt that can be committed.
There is hope. Your relationship can survive and even thrive. I look forward to helping through couples therapy to repair what was damaged and learn how to reconnect in the way that brought you two together in the beginning.
And it is one of the biggest reasons that romantic relationships fail. Infidelity may be a one-time indiscretion or a multi-year affair. It may still be going on, or it may have been over years ago. It may be only one partner, or you may have both ‘slipped’ at some point in the marriage.
Couples often ask me “how can we learn to trust each other again?” I tell them “as long as you are both willing to do whatever it takes to earn the other person’s trust back, you can do it”. The relationship is alive as long as you both want it to be. If neither of you quits, then there is hope.
Infidelity is said to be “a process with an event at the end”, not an event in its own right. The seeds of infidelity take root in a relationship that is struggling. We begin by understanding what was unhappy, unhealthy or unfulfilling about the relationship before the cheating started. Then we work to build in those skills that were missing all along so that we can be confident that others will never again intrude on the bond between the two of you. A secure relationship is immune to affairs and security can be taught and built.
Of course we also focus on repair. Whomever has been wronged deserves to have repairs made. Typically there have been hurts on both sides! Even the partner who did not cheat has some responsibility to understand how things got to where they are. I do not place blame or figure out which person is in the “wrong” so much as try to understand where each of you, consciously or unconsciously, let the relationship down.
I truly believe that it is impossible to love someone without hurting them. More than once. More than a little. I have seen many, many patients in their relationships over the years and know that even when we love someone, and even when we try our hardest, we make mistakes. But I have also seen love, commitment and hard work overcome any hurt that can be committed.
There is hope. Your relationship can survive and even thrive. I look forward to helping through couples therapy to repair what was damaged and learn how to reconnect in the way that brought you two together in the beginning.
Krista Jordan, Ph.D., ABPP
4534 Westgate Blvd, Suite 230
Austin, Texas 78745
512.293.3807
kristadjordan@gmail.com
4534 Westgate Blvd, Suite 230
Austin, Texas 78745
512.293.3807
kristadjordan@gmail.com
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