“An open ear is the only believable sign of an open heart.” —David Augsburger



Many couples complain that they have problems with communication

This can include: 
  • Arguments that go on and on but never get anywhere. 
  • Having trouble staying calm when talking about something upsetting.
  • Trouble resolving an issue and being able to move on.
  • Problems being able to see the other person’s point of view. 
  • Anxiety about even opening up a discussion.  

When couples can’t communicate effectively they often just stop. They avoid conversations about things they think may provoke a fight. The problem with this strategy is that it promotes a sense of growing apart. Over time the partners no longer feel that they are sharing a life with each other. They complain that they have “gone their separate ways” and “feel like room-mates”. They no longer feel intimacy with each other and often gravitate towards others to share important thoughts, feelings, and events.

Some couples, instead of just not talking, continue to interact but everything is an argument. They can hardly talk about what to have for dinner without butting heads. This causes damage by continually creating memories of emotional distress whenever they interact (see my page titled "The 30 Minute Rule" for more on this). Couples come to feel that the other person is "the enemy" and react with hostility before the other partner even opens their mouth. 

Both avoiding talking and constantly arguing will, over time, kill any relationship. Couples need to learn about the communication patterns they have and how to change them. This can be done in couples counseling using exercises that teach couples how to talk without fighting, how to fight effectively when a fight cannot be avoided, and how to move fights towards resolution quickly and without residual resentments. Couples that have these skills can be confident that they can handle whatever life throws their way without damage to their relationship, leading to a happier marriage. 

    Contact Dr. Jordan

Krista Jordan, Ph.D., ABPP
4534 Westgate Blvd, Suite 230
Austin, Texas 78745
512.293.3807
kristadjordan@gmail.com