“An open ear is the only believable sign of an open heart.” —David Augsburger
Many couples complain that they have problems with communication
This can include:
- Arguments that go on and on but never get anywhere.
- Having trouble staying calm when talking about something upsetting.
- Trouble resolving an issue and being able to move on.
- Problems being able to see the other person’s point of view.
- Anxiety about even opening up a discussion.
Some couples, instead of just not talking, continue to interact but everything is an argument. They can hardly talk about what to have for dinner without butting heads. This causes damage by continually creating memories of emotional distress whenever they interact (see my page titled "The 30 Minute Rule" for more on this). Couples come to feel that the other person is "the enemy" and react with hostility before the other partner even opens their mouth.
Both avoiding talking and constantly arguing will, over time, kill any relationship. Couples need to learn about the communication patterns they have and how to change them. This can be done in couples counseling using exercises that teach couples how to talk without fighting, how to fight effectively when a fight cannot be avoided, and how to move fights towards resolution quickly and without residual resentments. Couples that have these skills can be confident that they can handle whatever life throws their way without damage to their relationship, leading to a happier marriage.
Krista Jordan, Ph.D., ABPP
4534 Westgate Blvd, Suite 230
Austin, Texas 78745
512.293.3807
kristadjordan@gmail.com
4534 Westgate Blvd, Suite 230
Austin, Texas 78745
512.293.3807
kristadjordan@gmail.com
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