Addiction can take many forms including alcohol, drugs, sex, work, video games, gambling, shopping and food
When one partner is stuck in an addiction and not able to move towards recovery the marriage/relationship is sure to suffer. In addition to strong genetic factors that underlie addiction, many addicts get into trouble because they learn that indulging in their addiction takes away painful feelings, at least for the time being. This theory of “self-medicating” through addictive behaviors is helpful in couple’s therapy because a healthy relationship is actually one of the most powerful “drugs” available for soothing negative feelings. When a couple is happy and functioning well, if one partner is struggling with painful feelings of shame, anger, depression or any other uncomfortable feeling they can turn to their partner for emotional support. When that partner knows how to soothe them in a way that makes the painful emotion tolerable, it reduces the drive to act out on that addictive behavior.
This is NOT to say that if an addict acts out and uses their “drug of choice” that the partner is to blame. However, if the relationship is functioning well it can be a powerful tool for the addict to use in order to stay on a more even emotional keel. This goes not just for addicts but for all people! So working on the relationship is an important part of recovering from any type of addiction. The idea that in a long-term committed relationship what affects one partner would not affect the other is wishful thinking. If one of you is having a problem with addiction, then the relationship needs help, not just the addict. Additionally there is often a long history of wounds left over from addictive behaviors, and even when the person who is struggling with addiction embraces recovery there is a lot of fence-mending to be done. Couples therapy can be an excellent way to heal the relationship and cultivate a more satisfying bond for both of you as you move forward in your life together.
When one partner is stuck in an addiction and not able to move towards recovery the marriage/relationship is sure to suffer. In addition to strong genetic factors that underlie addiction, many addicts get into trouble because they learn that indulging in their addiction takes away painful feelings, at least for the time being. This theory of “self-medicating” through addictive behaviors is helpful in couple’s therapy because a healthy relationship is actually one of the most powerful “drugs” available for soothing negative feelings. When a couple is happy and functioning well, if one partner is struggling with painful feelings of shame, anger, depression or any other uncomfortable feeling they can turn to their partner for emotional support. When that partner knows how to soothe them in a way that makes the painful emotion tolerable, it reduces the drive to act out on that addictive behavior.
This is NOT to say that if an addict acts out and uses their “drug of choice” that the partner is to blame. However, if the relationship is functioning well it can be a powerful tool for the addict to use in order to stay on a more even emotional keel. This goes not just for addicts but for all people! So working on the relationship is an important part of recovering from any type of addiction. The idea that in a long-term committed relationship what affects one partner would not affect the other is wishful thinking. If one of you is having a problem with addiction, then the relationship needs help, not just the addict. Additionally there is often a long history of wounds left over from addictive behaviors, and even when the person who is struggling with addiction embraces recovery there is a lot of fence-mending to be done. Couples therapy can be an excellent way to heal the relationship and cultivate a more satisfying bond for both of you as you move forward in your life together.
Krista Jordan, Ph.D., ABPP
4534 Westgate Blvd, Suite 230
Austin, Texas 78745
512.293.3807
kristadjordan@gmail.com
4534 Westgate Blvd, Suite 230
Austin, Texas 78745
512.293.3807
kristadjordan@gmail.com
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